How Military Leadership Prepared Me for Family Therapy

When I first embarked on my journey in the military, I never imagined that the leadership skills I developed would one day help me in an entirely different field—family therapy. Now, as I transition from a career in the Navy to becoming a marriage and family therapist, I’m struck by how much of what I learned about leadership in the military translates into therapy.

Ethical Decision-Making

One of the most important aspects of military leadership is making tough ethical decisions. As a servicemember, you are constantly faced with situations where the right choice may not be the easiest or most popular one. You learn to weigh the potential consequences of every action, not just for yourself but for those under your command and the greater mission at hand. This mindset is critical in family therapy as well. Clients often bring complex, emotionally charged situations to the table, and as a therapist, you have to make ethical choices in every session. Balancing confidentiality, safety, and the well-being of all family members requires the same ethical diligence that the military instills in its leaders.

Accountability and Ownership

In the military, accountability is everything. When you're in a leadership position, you’re responsible for your team’s successes and failures. There's no room for passing the buck. This sense of ownership and responsibility is essential in family therapy. You have to be accountable not only to your clients but also to yourself. Being present, actively listening, and owning the therapeutic process is critical in helping clients make progress. If a session doesn’t go as planned or a client feels unheard, it’s on me as the therapist to reflect on what I can do better. Just like in the military, you have to learn from your mistakes, adjust course, and move forward with integrity.

Effective Communication

Clear, concise communication is the backbone of effective leadership in the military. Whether giving orders or de-escalating a tense situation, how you communicate directly affects the outcome. In family therapy, communication is just as vital. It’s about understanding both what is said and what isn’t. Often, clients will communicate through their behavior, tone, or silence. Being able to pick up on these subtle cues, while also clearly articulating thoughts and interventions, is a skill I’ve carried over from my time in the service. It’s not just about what I say, but how I listen, which is something the military honed in me as well.

Crisis Management

I can’t talk about military leadership without mentioning crisis management. The military trains you to stay calm under pressure, assess situations quickly, and act decisively. Family therapy sessions can sometimes feel like navigating a minefield of emotions and unspoken histories. When tensions rise in a session, my military training kicks in. I remain composed, assess the dynamics in the room, and work to de-escalate conflict while keeping everyone’s emotional safety in mind. This ability to manage crisis moments has been invaluable in helping families communicate more effectively, even when emotions run high.

Teamwork and Collaboration

In the military, success depends on the collective effort of the team. The same is true in family therapy. Each family member plays a role in the relational dynamic, and the goal is to get them working together toward a healthier family system. As a therapist, I approach sessions with the belief that each person’s voice matters, and I encourage collaboration between family members. In a way, I see families like a unit: their success depends on their ability to work together, communicate effectively, and support each other.

Final Thoughts

As I reflect on how my military experience has shaped my approach to family therapy, I’m reminded that leadership isn’t about being in charge; it’s about serving others. Whether in the Navy or in a therapy room, the ultimate goal is to empower people to be their best selves and foster an environment where they can thrive.

If you’re a fellow veteran or a student in the field of marriage and family therapy, I’d love to hear from you. How has your background prepared you for the unique challenges of therapy? Let’s share our stories and continue to grow together.

Call to Action: Veterans and fellow MFT students, how have your past experiences shaped your approach to therapy? Drop a comment below or reach out—I’d love to connect!