How My Military Experience Shapes My Approach to Therapy
Discipline, Structure, and the Therapy Room
One of the clearest ways my military background influences my approach to therapy is through Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT). The idea of helping clients move forward, rather than dwelling on the past, aligns with the structured, goal-oriented mindset I developed in service. However, I recognize that this could become a crutch if I’m not careful. Growth requires stepping outside of comfort zones, and I’ve been actively exploring other modalities, such as the Gottman Method, to expand my therapeutic skillset.
Another habit I’ve carried over from the military is close attention to detail—particularly in communication. My job required me to analyze not just words but tone, context, and intent. After 20 years of doing this, it’s second nature. In therapy, this skill helps me attune to subtle shifts in how clients express themselves, catching nuances that might otherwise be overlooked.
Leadership, Mentorship, and Systemic Thinking
Leadership in the military is more than giving orders—it’s about mentorship, responsibility, and seeing the bigger picture. This perspective has profoundly shaped my systemic approach to therapy. A phrase I recently heard resonates with me: "You take with you the part of the story you focus on." Understanding that clients are shaped by broader systems—family, culture, personal history—helps me support them in seeing alternative narratives beyond their immediate struggles.
One of the most effective things I did as a leader was simply listen. People are often their own harshest critics but also their best motivators. The saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink," is true—but I prefer to ask, "Why isn’t the horse drinking?" Finding the root of a person’s resistance is key to real change, whether in mentorship or therapy.
Resilience, Adaptability, and Knowing When to Ask for Help
Military life demands resilience under high stress, and that resilience has carried over into my ability to support clients through adversity. But one of the most important lessons I’ve learned isn’t just about pushing through—it’s knowing when to ask for help. Early in my career, I took on challenges beyond my expertise, thinking that sheer effort would be enough. Experience has taught me that real growth comes from acknowledging limits and seeking guidance when needed.
The military also ingrained in me the importance of balancing structure with adaptability. As an Aircrewman for nine years, I practiced Crew Resource Management (CRM), a framework designed to enhance situational awareness and decision-making. One of CRM’s core principles is Adaptability/Flexibility—you can meticulously plan a flight, but if conditions change mid-air, you adjust. Therapy works the same way: we build a structure, but we must be flexible enough to respond to the client’s evolving needs.
Communication, Conflict Resolution, and a Systems Mindset
Effective therapy, like effective mission planning, requires thorough analysis. In the military, I relied on Mission Analysis, a skillset that breaks down tasks into key components: preparation, execution, post-mission evaluation, and improvement. This aligns closely with the therapeutic process—assessing client needs, implementing interventions, evaluating effectiveness, and refining approaches.
Additionally, my background as a Cryptologic Technician - Interpretive (linguist) required me to understand diverse cultures and navigate different perspectives. This skill directly translates to therapy, where cultural competence and attunement to how things are said can make all the difference.
When it comes to conflict resolution, I strive for stoicism—not in the sense of detachment, but in focusing on what can be controlled. A phrase that continues to guide me is: "You take with you the part of the story you focus on." This applies to conflict resolution, personal growth, and the therapeutic process itself.
Perspective Shift: Aligning Leadership and Therapy
My transition from military to therapy hasn’t necessarily changed the way I view leadership, problem-solving, or personal growth—but it has given me a clearer framework and vocabulary to describe them. The structured nature of therapy training has helped me refine what I already knew intuitively and align my approach with established therapeutic models.
As for unexpected lessons, I’m still processing many of them. The military instilled in me a deep respect for preparation, adaptability, and learning from experience—all of which are invaluable in therapy. I continue to explore how these lessons translate into my work as an MFT-in-training, and I look forward to uncovering more insights along the way.
Final Thoughts
The military shaped my identity in profound ways, and as I step into this next chapter, I see just how much of that experience informs my approach to therapy. From structure and adaptability to mentorship and problem-solving, my past isn’t something I’m leaving behind—it’s something I’m carrying forward in a new way.
Call to Action:
For those who have switched careers, what unexpected skills carried over into your new profession? I’d love to hear how your past experiences continue to shape your present.